the night before the night before...

...pondering my choices for the evening repast on this night before the night before, i decided to head to one of my favorite Mexican grub joints...was able to secure one of my favorite tables in a dark corner where i can stealthily observe the comings and goings of my fellow diners...
...at a nearby table two couples were scanning their menues while one of the men self-importantly dominated the "conversation" in a voice several decibels louder than necessary...even after their food arrived he continued jabbering with mouthfuls of food, hunched over his plate with furrowed brow, this hairless pink ape...it's a daily battle for me, fighting this contempt i have for my own species...
...then...at another adjacent table a young man and woman sit with their young son...from his bald head, lined with a fresh scar and his frailty, i could tell he was having his own daily battle with something that was seriously trying to kill him...the faces of his brave mom and dad were care-worn way beyond their years, and tasty as they were, i began to lose interest in the blue corn enchiladas on the table before me...
...sat back and took a swallow of pale ale and as i sat the glass back on the table the glow of the christmas lights illuminated the sleeve of my shirt...this old worn, purple knit shirt i break out for the colder desert days and it hits me that this is the shirt i was wearing while sitting at my dad's side when he breathed his last...
...another sad punch in the gut, so i quickly payed my tab and rushed into the cool night air...climbed into my car and there in the relative quiet and solitude, i cried...

i cried for the poor naked ape that will probably never open up to love...
i cried for the young family fighting for life
i cried selfishly...missing my family, my friends...

i wipe away the tears and resolve to fight
for life
for love
for whatever days i have left...