...been away from here for a while because every time i sit down to write all that comes out is
fuck this and
fuck that
fuckityfuckityfuck...
so i've been keeping my bad attitude to myself...i know not from whence it sprung, but spring it did...could be the maddening socio-political times, or the even more maddening quest for economic stability (no easy task for a self-employed artist-type person)...it's not just a job, it's an adventure (to borrow a clever advertising phrase)...
...yesterday i was shopping for groceries and as i pulled myself away from oogling the Ben & Jerry's and Haagen-Daz, i noticed a young couple coming up the aisle toward me...they walked hand-in-hand, obviously enraptured, each with the other...she was wearing a t-shirt that exclaimed "I "heart" Rob!"...
...i then noticed that they both apparently have Downs Syndrome and it made my heart ache with joy that these two beautiful souls found each other and i turned and caught
my reflection in the freezer glass,
solitary.
and at that moment i felt entirely
alone
in the midst of millions of
souls...
6 comments:
(((((Soul))))) I could of written this.... except I aint a self employed artist-type person lol....
Of late, all Ive seen is couples and all Ive read it about what others are doing for fun and life as couples and where they plan to go on holiday next year etc, but I look on and smile and wish them luck but inside I ache.... and I to look in the freezer glass in Waitrose and realise why no one wants me LOL
know you are loved...... more then you realise..
x
...and I have been to self-absorbed with paralyzing depression to be there for you.
I am sorry.
Sometimes it takes innocence to shake our pisstivity...
My wife was a social worker on the streets of Berlin, helping heroin addicts find clean needles. Then she helped mentally ill in Bavaria until she was held hostage by an insane person up in the mountains for the better part of a week. After that she worked as a youth counselor in America until she was choked nearly to death by a preteen. Then she worked with the mentally ill and abused until she was abused by a mentally ill social worker herself.
Now she works with Downs Syndrome people, helping them find the resources they need to live. She says this is the happiest community of people she's ever met! If anyone can find joy, it's a Downs Syndrome person.
Please do NOT judge your happiness against that of others, especially those who have the peculiar handicap and joy of Downs. You can't compete against others. There's no way.
It's okay to feel alone. Truly, it is. But also know that while you're alone, you're in the midst of a community that cares for you... Even though some of us have never met.
Have you ever met Pixie? You and she could write one hell of a poetry book...
i remember pixie...
me too! :-)
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